It’s amazing how nostalgic a person can get around
Christmas. The memories of childhood
expectations and the joy of opening gifts on Christmas morning seem to dance
around in my mind.
And yet as I get older I find it harder not to become melancholy
during the Holidays. My mind wanders to
places in the past. I look back and think,
“I wish…”
There are so many things, times, and places that I’d love
to revisit. Like the story "A Christmas Carol"… to go back and witness times in
the past, that are fading in my memory. But also to witness things that as a child and young
adult I wasn’t privy to or didn’t pay attention to, or I didn’t understand there
impact, or I didn’t appreciate the significance…
Like:
Witnessing my parents shopping for our presents... Of course I was left at home.
Baking Christmas cookies with my mother and my great aunt... This didn't include us kids.
Watching my father as he helped find the perfect tree... I was too busy looking at the trees.
Seeing my parent’s joy watching my two sisters and me open
our gifts... Yea, I was busy ripping off wrapping paper!
Understanding the importance to my mother that everything
had to be perfect, even down to dying the pears red and green and rolling the
cheese balls in crushed walnuts... I helped grudgingly.
Appreciating the sacrifice my parents made in order to
give us the best Christmas... I had to have kids before I realized!
Our aunt and uncle and other relatives spending every
Christmas Eve at our house... I miss the wonderful conversations!
My parents coming over to my house every Christmas Eve
after I had my own children... Wonderful!
Watching my children in our church’s Christmas programs... I was praying they remembered their lines!
Watching my family decorate the tree... I think I was too busy trying to "get it done".
Seeing my children’s faces on Christmas morning... I wish I had paid more attention.
Watching them play with all their new gifts... I was busy cleaning up, preparing breakfast, or getting everyone ready for all of us to go to my parents house
But there is one Christmas that I would really love to
revisit… Christmas 1998… my baby boys
last Christmas with us. I have pictures, but how lovely would it be to see him coming
down the stairs on Christmas morning, open his gifts, eat Christmas morning
breakfast all together as a family, arriving at my parents’ house for Christmas
dinner with my sister and her family, and opening more gifts…
To watch every move he made… every smile he gave… To feel
his hugs… to hear his laughter…
I know by God’s grace I will once again see him, hold
him, kiss him, and be with him… but I wish…
Merry Christmas to everyone!
May you experience God's love and peace this holiday season!
So well said Patti. I feel the same way with each passing year. Our grandkids are up so fast and light years ahead of our kids and in a totally electronic age. We find ourselves having to find more creative ways to connect with them!
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